No, I’m not ok


I’m not ok.

I heard the news after I came back from baseball with my sons. Three fallen police officers, Mounties, killed by some kid with a hate-on for cops.  Two more in the hospital.  A whole community threatened (still threatened as I write this…)

I responded like anyone would.  Shock, but then relief that it wasn’t anyone we knew.  Then gratitude for the life my family has, tossed in with some serious denial that this could ever happen to my husband.  Then I thought I was “good to go”.  I thought it was ok to watch the news, ok to wait for updates, ok to tuck my kids into bed, and to finally go to sleep.

But I didn’t want to sleep. I watched the news.  I saw the unnecessary image of an officer’s blood on the pavement.  I watched grown men cry, giving news briefs, heartbroken.  I read Facebook – saw the good, the bad and the ignorant.  I waited for the shooter to be caught.  I sent a message to my husband, who was working the night shift…

You ok?

He Answered:


I said:

This is terrible

He replied:

Yes, it is

I said:

Be safe tonight.

He said:

I’ll be fine, now sleep.

That’s all he could say.  Probably because he was too sick and distracted, maybe terrified to say anything else. Later he would say he “felt numb”.  Because he’s not a super-hero.  He’s not a robot. He’s a Dad.  He’s a husband.  He has his fears and doubts about things, just like the rest of us. And he had to push this terrible event out of his mind to get back to cleaning up the streets in our town, so far away from this tragedy, but still too close. Back to taking statements…and looking over his shoulder.

And I didn’t think I would sleep.  But I did, and when I woke up in the morning, I scrambled for my phone to see if they had caught the shooter.

They didn’t. They haven’t.  Instead, they are sending more officers in to find him.  Sending more mothers and fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters and sons, to stop this guy. One unstable guy with no respect for life.

I am not OK.  None of us should be OK.  This is insanity!   Not just this one crazy guy with guns, but all of the crazy people with guns!  And the terrible, fear-mongering, bull-shit attitudes that people have toward law enforcement officers!  I am SO SICK of the stuff I read and hear about police officers being “power-hungry, power-tripping, too dumb to get any other job, gun-happy, muscle-headed, donut-eating, uncaring…”.  The list goes on.

Everyone needs to stop now and really think.  Stop teaching your kids that police officers are the bad guys who give you tickets you “don’t deserve”.  Stop assuming that you know every person who wears a uniform, or that they are all alike. Because you don’t, and they’re not.  Stop giving officers flack when you see them breaking for lunch or a coffee.  That’s bullying.

Let’s stop making it ok for our kids to play hours of violent video games. Send your little boys and girls outside to build something, ride a bike, to make friends, play kick-the-can.  Teach them to talk, read, volunteer, socialize.

Take their damn phones away from them once in a while.

Our v-idiot society is breeding a bunch of ignorant, narcissistic, anti-social, desensitized people.

I remember when I was a kid, we were taught to respect authority, and to NEVER EVER pretend to “shoot” someone with our fingers. We were allowed to play with water guns and bb guns, but we knew we could never point them at each others heads, never point them at someone who wasn’t playing.  My Dad had guns.  He was a hunter.  But he didn’t glorify killing.  He didn’t obsess about his guns.  We respected how dangerous they were.

And  I was taught that you only needed to be afraid of the police if you were breaking the law. And as far as I am concerned, this is still the case.

If you are such a simpleton or a snob that you think you can make some broad-sweeping  assumption about what kind of man or woman is behind that police badge, you scare me more than anyone.  Open that closed mind.

And now, because someone decided he hates cops so much that he would walk into a quiet neighborhood, and bait them into a gunfight, three human beings are dead.  Two more are injured.  Families are destroyed.  Family these fallen loved.  Family who love them.  Family who depended on them to be at ball games, birthdays, ballet recitals and grads. Family who depended on them to “watch their six”.  And out there somewhere is a cop-hater, who has been free to debase and hate cops openly. Maybe he has a mental illness, or maybe he was victimized by someone in a position of power.  I don’t know who he is, or why he did it.  What I do know, is he has targeted a group of people I have the utmost respect for, and one whom I love very much.    So until this guy is found, until bullying like this is stopped, I’m not ok.


To the families, friends of the fallen officers, and to the members of the NB RCMP, my deepest condolences.  My prayers and thoughts are with you all. 



This entry was posted in faith, family, parenting, police wife, social media and communication and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

160 Responses to No, I’m not ok

  1. R. Leckey Harrison says:

    Hello Bearmama,

    My condolences to this community. As an emergency responder, I understand the stress and trauma of that line of work. It’s only been in the last few years that firefighters have been deliberately shot at and killed. It’s a thought that crosses my mind every time I respond to a call.

    I am affected so much I chose to co-direct a nonprofit that has a training program for emergency responders (dispatchers to the last on scene, which is often law enforcement or coroner) to empower them to discharge their own stress and trauma. We either deal with our stress, or it will deal with us. That includes the families of those who serve.

    If you are interested in learning how you can relive your stress, I am available at leckey at whidbeycarenet dot org. I know others in Canada that teach a part of our program it is the major part.

    Right now the focus is on the survivors. The families, and affected communities. The secondary victims like yourself, and your husband, and your family. We can’t stop the insanity. We can learn to relieve stress, heal trauma, and build resilience.

    Again, I offer my condolences for this event. My wish is that you all come to a place of happiness, health, peace, and ease.

    Leckey Harrison
    Whidbey CareNet
    FF/EMT with South Whidbey Fire/EMS
    Certified Level I Trauma Release Exercises Provider

  2. Rubes says:

    Society has done a disservice to the children and people that want to raise a family. When I was a child we were taught what morals were and how to treat people. We were taught to shut the lights off and never to leave the room with them still on unless someone else was in there. We were taught that even i had a tantrum in front of the whole store, I was still not getting that candy, because unless I had the money for it, (which I never did) my parents didn’t owe me anything. Children now a days at the age of 2, play with a phone, ipad, tablet. Lack the communication skills and the morals as no one has the time to teach them because both parents need to work to keep the roof over their heads and the food on the table. Other people take care of our children and some which should not as they don’t have the proper intuition to do so. Our kid’s friends teach our children because we can’t. Our child ends up watching glorified tv where the life is big money, fast cars and the only way to belong is to be a part of a gang. One trip for a lot money, don’t need to respect anyone because that’s how your going to get respect. A couple bne’s for fast money to buy your first brick, a couple of grow rips and your the shit and everyone loves you because u didn’t get caught. They thinks this is the life, the fame the money, rolling around mercedes and audi x5’s. Where did the morale’s go? The respect? The family? The love? no mention of that. And that is the problem with society. It has made people growing up in it, so oblivious of the surroundings around them, The PEOPLE around them. The FEELINGS around them.

    I am not the wife of a member. Nor is any of my relations in the RCMP. I work beside these men and women who risk their lives every day to make this society a better place. I’m safe and I know I will go home safe everyday. But what I hear in my day to day, makes me cringe and shake my head. I know many of my guys are so dedicated that they come in on days off, work extra hours, volunteer for events just to make sure I can sleep at night. And what kind of gratitude do they get? Police haters? People that disrespect them? Spit in their faces? Fight with them and point guns at them. My heart cried for those families that have to deal with the coming days, the funeral the saying goodbye to someone that died doing what he loved, serving the community and the country. My heart skips a beat every time one of my members are in a PC MVI, in a fight or worse, have a gun pointed at them. They may not be my husband, sister or brother, but they are my police family. And I am proud to know them all. My love and prayers to all those that have to say goodbye to their love ones due to one person’s hatred. Nothing I can say can make it any easier. But I will stand here to be by your side if and when you need me.

  3. Frances Savoie says:

    Bearmama, thank you for saying what has been on my mind and in my heart for days! No, I am not OK either. I am safe, yes, and I am thankful for that. However, I am also angry, disgusted, shocked, but most of all, I am disappointed….disappointed that such a tragedy was allowed to happen in my City, a tragedy delivered by the worst kind of evil, an evil that could and should have been stifled well before it destroyed the lives of three and injured two honorable RCMP members who dedicated their lives to serve and protect their fellow citizens. Yes, they signed on willingly, knowing their workdays would be hazardous and danger would be ever-present. They did not sign on to be a target for anyone who has a personal beef with the world and everyone in it. Evil lurks in darkness and in light and evil is not always a secret. Agents of evil are so consumed by egotistical bravado they do not hide their disrespect and hatred for authority, for decency, for anything that is honest and good. This agent of evil who turned our world upside down was not known to police, but was known to other people; is it fair to say those who were wary of strange behaviour, aware of misguided beliefs, are in any way responsible for the horrors of the past 3 days? I prefer to think not. I believe that for one to be able to understand the gravity of this anti-social, vicious thought-process, one would have to think with an evil mind. It is easier to walk away, to avoid all contact, to avoid the person who causes discomfort, unease. While I struggle to understand why nobody took serious notice of the evil growing in the mind of this particular individual , part of me understands – how could something this horrific grow in a community like ours? Who wants to believe they know someone who would set out to destroy, to kill the very people who have protected him, his family, his community. This is for ‘somewhere else’, not here, not in our quiet, peaceful, normal City. Sadly, we now know it was possible; sadder still is the possibility thought that this was the first but not the last.
    Society must become more aware, pay closer but cautious attention to those who strike us as being unhinged, dangerously close to doing harm to themselves or to others, those who brazenly share their hate-filled tirades with anyone they come in contact with – in the workplace, in a social setting, within a family, in school, and yes, even church. Besides being aware, we must be prepared to ‘do something’ when our gut tells us something is not right, we must be willing to, at the very least, share our observations with appropriate experts who are in a position to take appropriate action. If I am uncomfortable with somebody’s discourse, bizarre behaviour, or if I feel this person harbors an intent to do harm, I feel I owe it to my family, my friends, my community and myself to act by expressing my fears to someone who will know what to do, how to determine, whether I am suffering from an wild imagination, a suspicious mind, or whether there is a legitimate reason for concern. I believe we have been given a bitter taste of reality. We can no longer think we are any different because we live in our nice City. Perhaps Moncton is not as sophisticated as a big city; perhaps we are ‘small town’ compared to Toronto or Montreal. for example. Geographic location, size of population or area does not mean we are less susceptible to tragedy or criminal activity any more than it makes us exempt from evil. We are proud of our City! We should not be afraid to say so! Criticizing, complaining, judging and accusing are sadly the down side of human nature. Cooperate, facilitate, participate to eliminate hate, to foster a peaceful, caring community. If for no other reason, to honour the memory of our fallen RCMP members, to show their passage here on earth and their dedication to the safety and well-being of the people they served is appreciated, that they will never be forgotten, not only for the horrible way they were taken from us, but because of the people they were – vibrant, happy members of our community. By making the world around us a better, safer place, we will show our recovering injured members and their colleagues that we are worthy of their continued dedication to law and order in our midst. To the families of our fallen RCMP members, my sincere and heartfelt condolences. Having lost my soul mate, the love of my life, I know the road ahead is a rough one. May you be blessed with strength, courage and love! May God bless our RCMP members, personnel from all emergency services as well as their support staffs! Readers, thank you for allowing me into your lives for these few minutes.
    A grateful supporter of Members of the Codiac RCMP Detachment, past and present,
    FranS (a.k.a. “Someone in Scanner land”)

  4. This is a lesson to the parents and yes though the games are cool and all,the kids must stop playing violent games.Hope u as a parent will take action.

    • Z says:

      Hate to break it to you, this is not the product of violent gaming. Not even close.

      If you really want to address an issue you’ll have to dig much deeper.

      Violence in games movies and media is just a symptom of the greater disease to humanity.

      Any society that loses the key unit of family as ours has is going to go down this path regardless of what games we allow our children. They’ll get the message somewhere else.

      If you want to help your children it has a lot less to do with what more you can take from them (physically/ externally). I would say you should be instead asking yourself what is it that we have lost as a society. That the children of tomorrow need?

      Don’t take violence away from them. Take your children, live up to your natural responsibilities and give them your time. The only way to unify a growing mind with the sanctity of life is to imbue that mind with love.

      When you spend extra hours at work to pay the bills and miss a recital or performance, a game or demonstration of your child’s life you’re reinforcing the idea that there are things more important than life, love, family.

      If you want to shape what your children become. You really need to analyze that word
      Be- a selected state of existence
      Co- implying a relationship of mutual value and effect
      Me- a word expressionof identity.

      In order to shape a life you must become a part of it.

      The problem is too many people investing in the external futures trying to get ahead in our corrupt society and not enough of themselves invested in what they call love..

      Capitalism doesn’t prioritize the individuals that support the growth, it’s expected that people will be human enough to fight for themselves and draw the lines before they go too far. Which, I’m afraid that they already have. Humanity has yet to see the greatest evils and atrocities is capable of committing as they continue to sacrifice countless lives to the economic machine. A shame no one has bothered to notice that it’s broken. And it has been for a long enough time that everything it’s hosting up will soon fall.

      I’m not saying I’m gonna do it. This is merely an evaluation. All anyone needs to do, is nothing.

      Don’t prioritize your family as the FIRST most important thing. Don’t support each other. Don’t care about anything except for entertainment, ideals, and the next paycheck that will enable you to keep enjoying these things.

      Try not to feel bad for being called and out.
      Just keep living as you’re used to and the rest will take care of itself.

  5. Cathy says:

    You’ve said perfectly exactly what I’ve been feeling. I too am a police officers’ wife and feel the pain and anguish of that role. Thank you for speaking out for many of us.

    • jedimomma says:

      i just wanted to say that ,although i do not live in your province (i live in ontario), i would like to thank your husband through you for putting his life on the line everyday to protect the innocent

  6. Pauline says:

    We’ll written, prayers going out to all. Didn’t realize it at the time but my husband’s cousin was one of the RCMP members called in to help.

  7. julie says:

    Dear bearmama,
    I am an ex-member of the rcmp and a newly retired police officer of Mtl PD having served Canadians for 32 years and 4 months. My father was a Mountie and my son along with his wife to be are also members serving in Alberta. NO I am not ok. As a child I learned very early the meaning of respect for authority and service as my mom was a nurse.
    it served me well in life. I raised 3 boys alone, the youngest was 4 at the time
    Imagine, a single mom raising 3 boys working midnight shifts….And they all turned out well…and I am proud of all of them …But it wasn’t easy…
    Cops live in another world because most of the time we see the worst in people, we see what others can only imagine. We are different, we cannot have an opinion unless it’s politically correct, we can not piss off our neighbors without someone calling our bosses , we cannot be drunk at a party or we’ll be judged as a bad cop, we cannot be human and cry after a sad call for fear of being seen as weak, forget about having a depression wow now you are really weak. I can’t count how many xmas’ i’ve missed or new year’s, how many birthday’s had to be rescheduled, how many times I mothered my children by phone from the job, and how many times I was scared that I may not come home. This is why we police officer’s have a close knit family, because we understand each other and that is why when something like this happens we stand together in solidarity. Three police officers died and 2 were injured in the line of duty and all of us say to ourselves…IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME…..
    Why these specific police officers..only God knows….but I can assure you that a piece of all police officers hearts died a bit that day….
    RIP brothers…..

  8. b says:

    I am from NB, but live in Ontario right now. It is a daily occurrence to hear about gang related shootings, stabbings, deaths. This is just one example of how society has gone to hell. The terrible tragedy in Moncton is just another. The marathon bombing; 9 -11; what the hell is the world coming to? I just can’t wrap my mind around it – when I was growing up, like the woman so aptly put in her post, we played outside, not worrying if we were going to get shot in a drive by shooting, our parents didn’t have to worry about someone snatching us off the street; you waved and smiled when a police car drove by, and kids respected them and knew they were there to help; the word “pigs” wasn’t even invented to slander police officers, and we called them Sir when addressing them, like it should be NOW. It is called respect. Things like cyber bullying was never even heard of, and you didn’t disrespect other kids either, to the point of them feeling like they have to take their own life. It sickens me – if this gunman in Moncton was mentally ill, someone should have noticed this and reported it BEFORE this terrible tragedy happened. If not, someone still should have picked up on the fact that he had a ‘hate’ on for police officers and reported it. Now, this man will sit in our penal system for the rest of his life, with the government/us paying for his meals, a roof over his head, his recreation, etc., while the families of these fallen officers have to spend the rest of their life without their husband/father/son. Children will have to grow up without a dad, because some senseless idiot was brought up without the respect God gave a flea, and for some unfathomable reason thought it was OK to go around shooting up the streets.

    My daughter NEVER wants kids, because she doesn’t want them growing up in a world like this! How nice is that.

    My deepest condolences to the families of the fallen officers, and my wishes for a very speedy recovery to the injured officers. May God bless you all.

  9. Jim Long says:

    I do not have a peace officer in my family , but my family needs one!
    Wish I could have been accepted!
    But we can stand up to any form of bullying and support the ones that are being bullied!!!!and we can support those that stand in our place! Standing together makes us stronger!!!

  10. Lorraine says:

    I agree with almost everything you said. Violent video games don’t turn kids into gun-toting lunatics. Those lunatics are drawn to violent games.

    • Mrs. H says:

      violent video games desensitize good kids…’s proven…….in fact – tactical training includes video “game” like scenarios, and video training of real events. It doesn’t take a doctorate to understand that we train our brains with what we put in it.

      • Travis says:

        Really? Seriously quote me a single study that “proves” violent video games causes violent behavior. You can’t because there isn’t one. The past generation of children has grown up with a mass variety of electronic games and by and large the number of them that turn into violent offenders is minimal at best. Even less the correlation of the games to their behavior.

        Sorry, but violent behavior was already in their disposition long before games gave you a scapegoat to point at.

      • Jean M says:

        Totally agree with Travis! My kids played with violent games and I sometimes play. I don’t even own a BB gun. My sons were never in trouble and one is in the army training and the other one will most likely be an MD. I volunteer my time to help people with mental health issue. They were raised by my wife and I and were taught right from wrong AND that is the bottom line! We spent time to talk to them and teach them and they knew that the video games were a privileged and not a right!

      • Bearmama says:

        Thanks Jean. Again, I want to clarify that my personal experience with my own children is that video games (in general – not even the violent ones) tend to increase their hyper/more aggressive tendencies. I prefer that my sons spend time building relationships, socializing, playing sports and getting outside. To each his own when it comes to parenting. My post was a call to pay attention to ALL of the mistakes we make as parents that COULD BE contributing to these tragedies. I have said it before I am not a professional psychologist, and no, I did not consult any reports or stats before I wrote my opinions, as this was an opinion piece – more poetry than science. Me, one Mom, expressing my frustrations and fears based on my own reality and experiences.

    • Shelagh McKibbon says:
      Travis – google “Violent Video Game Effect” – you will get more than a single study….you will get dozens and dozens of studies. Next time, research before making assumptions.

      • Travis says:

        Really? You just made an assumption that I’ve never read any studies or am completely unaware of what I’m talking about. While I have no issue with protecting the innocence of our children and monitoring what media they consume – I do take issue with blanket statements frequently issued by closet nannies who want to blame violent video games for every homicidal tragedy that happens. That’s irresponsible and deeply offensive to me and other gamers.

      • Travis says:

        For those suggesting I google violence and videogames, try “violence is not caused by videogames” and you might find some similar “facts” like this one;

        What it finally boils down to is your own ethics and sense of personal responsibility. Only you can decide how ANYTHING affects you; and how you will respond to it.

      • Bearmama says:

        Hi Travis, I agree with you on it boiling down to ethics and personal sense of responsibility, which is the “tricky” part of parenting children in the current age. The point truly is ethics and responsibility – but helping those along in our children is complicated, and my post addressed the challenges of this (in a general and broad way, I admit, but I wasn’t writing a thesis paper for grad school 😉 From my perspective, anything I can do to help nurture ethical thought patterns in my children is great. I am sure there are mountains of research studies to support either side of this video game issue. Personally, I will choose to moderate and mediate my sons’ access to all screen media. It’s just one small part of giving them the best start, according to my ethics, that I can. This is my choice, for my children, based on no research except observation. Everyone, is of course, free to do what they wish with their own children.

      • Travis says:

        Agreed. You wrote an excellent blog to what has obviously become a very sensitive issue to all of us Canadians. Regardless of our political leanings, I wish everyone every kind of comfort they can find during this tragic time, even more so to the families who have lost brave men who’s only intention was to protect and serve the public.

        God bless.

      • Bearmama says:

        Thanks for the kind words. And just as a side note – my sons are still quite young, so I am sure a time will come when they do choose to play violent video games, if not in our home, maybe at a friends. And that will ultimately be their choice. I just think that heavy, sad, traumatic and violent “stuff” can be at the very least “held off” for as long as possible. I just really wish for an ounce of innocence to remain, and for time for these kids to play, and be kids. Living in Canada, we are truly blessed to have so many outdoor options for kids to “play & learn”, as well as sports options for our kids (even subsidized for low-income families)…it’s a shame to not take advantage of those opportunities. And you know, it wasn’t the playing of the video games that I truly meant to point my rant-y finger at – it is that playing these games in a tv room for hours on end is not the most social activity, so it takes away from opportunities to spend that time learning to build friendships (with real people) and running, jumping, playing…you know what I mean.

      • Travis says:

        I see what you mean. I’m afraid the internet is an impersonal place and it is difficult sometimes not to hear recrimination and condemnation sometimes on these forums. I’m with you there though. My 3 year old daughter loves games almost as much her daddy. Mostly it’s Mario and Dora that she plays – yet as much fun as those moments are, the best memories are usually created when the electronics are put away. That much is very true.


      • Travis says:

        And one last email. Here’s a list of alot of great information showing Video Games do NOT cause violence…

    • purplepiggie says:

      Actually, there have been studies that show an increase in aggressive behaviour after playing violent games that reward aggressive behaviour.

      Travis, you requested some studies that show this. Here are a few, just the tip of the iceberg. I’m sure if you do a simple Google search, you’ll find many more.

      In order to further understand the negative affects on aggressive behavior your child or adolescent may experience from their exposure to violent media visit the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Web site at Adults and Children Together (ACT) Against Violence.

      Here are a few of the APA’s recommendations and findings:

      Violent behavior is learned, often early in a child’s life.
      Children learn to behave by watching people around them and by observing characters in movies, video games, and television.
      Violent media increases mean-spirited behavior and may cause fear, mistrust, and fear – including nightmares.
      The APA recommends monitoring media consumption.
      The APA recommends that parents discuss media with their children.
      The APA advocates a reduction of violence in video games and interactive media.
      The APA recommends increasing the public’s awareness regarding the potential impact playing violent video games may have on player’s aggressive behavior as indicated in both short and long term research studies.
      Parents should use the Entertainment System Rating Board (ESRB) rating system to evaluate media their children would like to watch or purchase.


      Anderson, C. A., Carnagey, N. ., Flanagan, M., Benjamin, A.J., Eubanks, J., Valentine, J. C. (2004). Violent Video Games: Specific Effects of Violent Content on Aggressive Thoughts and Behavior. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 36, p. 199-249.

      Anderson, C. A., & Dill, K. E. (2000). Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, p.772-790.

      Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Englewood Cliffs, N. J: Prentice Hall.

      Berkowitz, L. (1993). Aggression: Its causes, consequences, and control. New York: McGraw-Hill.

      Gentile, D. A., Walsh, D. A. (2002). A Normative Study of Family Media Habits. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 23, p.157-178.

      National Television Violence Study (1996). Mediascope: Studio City, CA.

  11. Hilda says:

    Thank you so much for writing what a lot of us wanted to but didn’t. I’m a proud mom of my daughter who is a police officer. When she worked on patrol I couldn’t sleep. Every time I would hear a siren I would cringe. I pray for the families who have been affected by this horrible situation. Unfortunaly this sick person will spend the rest of his life with a group of people who feel the same as he does. He will walk those halls a hero in their eyes. It’s really too bad he has gotten the chance to do just that. He will never suffer enough to equal the suffering he has put other people through. Respect for those who train to protect us is gone. They are always looked at being the bad guys, until something like this happens. Once again thank you for writing your thoughts. God bless you.

  12. Laura hickey says:

    As a proud OPP wife I feel the same. I had that dreaded phone call in the night. “There’s been an accident….” I still have anger towards the person that caused him to be “off the road ” for nearly 10 years. Our family was/is forever changed. I could never ask him to change careers so for now all I can do is end my texts with “love you, be careful, stay safe” and hope there are no more phone calls or worse the knock on the door.

  13. Scott A says:

    You are so right about not teaching kids that police officers are “bad guys”. It makes my blood boil when I hear a parent tell a child that if they don’t behave, the police will come and get them. That breeds fear of, instead of respect for, police officers. There was an incident at my apartment building a couple of weeks ago, and an officer was stationed outside the door of the apartment across the hall. I took my 6 year old grandson and told him “This man is a police officer. He protects us and helps us. If you are ever in trouble, this is who you go to for help.” The officer seemed to appreciate my words…and hopefully my grandson will have learned to respect police officers and know that they’re the good guys.

  14. Lorie Laroche says:

    This is really worth the read. The author probably unknowingly touches upon normal reactions to traumatic events. These reactions are scary and not pleasant (understatement) to feel but totally normal.
    My heart goes out to all who are going through this in Moncton and I will be available to talk as needed (will be on site til Tuesday evening).
    Support one another and don’t be afraid to ask for professional help for yourself and/or others when you need to.

  15. Sylvia young says:

    As a civilian, with no relations in a serving force I have the utmost respect for those that serve and protect my family everyday. I also have so much respect for the woman, men and children that are home waiting for their officer, fire fighter or other service person to come home.
    This view of bad cops breaks my heart, the cops are doing a job that is so important and not enough people are thankful for that. Don’t speed and you won’t get a speeding ticket, is that really hard to understand. These people that have mean nasty things to say change their tube real quick when their kids or family need a cop to save them and he or she does so!
    Thank you for supporting your husband as he protects us all!

  16. says:

    Words are so powerful ! If people would just head them ! I am a wife of a retired Mountie and the mother of a son who got in when Mayerthorpe happened, who had just finished a course in White Court. Since he has been in there have been more RCMP deaths than in my husbands 35 year service society has become so unkind and mean to each other. You are so right about how we teach our children….not only about respect but kindness and compassion. It takes an event like this to open societies eyes, but then it only seems to shine on the issue till the fallen are buried. The Government refuses to act on helping our members become better equip and trained. Our son ,even after what was found out and and called upon to change still works most of his shifts alone ! Cut backs to the force hurt the front lines the most. Canadians have no clue what is is like today to police society. Mayerthorpe, Monton, every small Canadian town is no longer safe from the evil of the world! The only way I could survive my husbands and sons career s is my faith that God is always with them ! May God wrap the families of the fallen in his love and may we NEVER forget what our men and women face every moment of every day ! Thank you for your blog and what you do! Families of members need to have a stronger voice, we need to start singing as a choir , maybe then we will be heard !

  17. Carolyn says:

    All I can say is life is changing drastically from when I grew up. We respected our elders and our policemen and any first responders. Violence as we know today for the most part did ‘t exist. Doors didn’t have to be locked and kids could roam and if they misbehaved an adult corrected them. I worry about our generation growing up now for what they will face down the road. The police today face so much more than in our day. My heartfelt condolences to the family, friends and co-workers of the slain officers. Life changed forever for so many that day. I pray that all will be safe carrying out the policing of towns and cities. Please teach our children respect and honor of any human life. Whether this young man has mental issues or not he still took lives. I feel sorry for what his family must be going through as well. He is definitely guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt and should pay the maximum for the deed. There are many that go down this path in life and it is why we have police out there protecting everyone from events such as what happened in Moncton. For all the wives, children and loved ones of those who serve I commend and applaud you. Stay strong and I offer many hugs and prayers to you all.

  18. val wyles says:

    I am so upset about this whole thing. When they finally caught this sicko the orders should have been SHOOT TO KILL no ands, ifs or buts . Our Police force is out their to protect us… Who protect them…. By not killing this #@$%$^$## we have opened a can of worms…. this murderer will now use tax payers money to get evaluated to see if he is sane or go to prison for life on our dime.. All Police officers are now open for any nut case out their to take pot shots at when ever and if this creep goes to prison he will be a hero for being a cop killer….OMG make this work for our men and woman in law enforcement not for the crazies in the world…My thoughts and prayers go out to the families of our fallen RCMP I hope you get the support your family needs to live your lives without your love one. Both financial and emotional from our Canadian government. It’s time the Government took care of their own…….

  19. Adam says:

    Thank you! I have just retired from policing to farm and I your words ring very true. I am not sure what to write. I am overcome with emotion about this entire incident. I am shocked and saddened, no I am sickened by this latest incident. The public as a whole needs to understand that there are broken, mentally ill people in the world. Unfortunately our society does not have a true understanding of how dangerous these people can be. They are not dangerous all of the time, but they have the potential to be. When something triggers them they can be deadly and we witnessed that in Moncton. Unfortunately the police have the responsibility of dealing with these people, and they are forced to make split second decisions that will determine the outcome. They are questioned for months and years about the decision depending on the outcome. I could no longer be a police officer, and I am not sure how my co-workers continue to do such an amazing job without much support. My hat goes off to everyone who continues to put their lives on the line for me and my family. In closing, thank you for your post, and thank you for providing such an amazing perspective on a horrible tragedy.

  20. Being an LEOW, you said so many things my heart has already thought. Everyone needs to have more respect for LEO, the thin blue line they walk everyday is a a huge responsibility that few can handle… Thank you!

  21. Lisa@FreddyB says:

    I am so in agreement with what you have said. I have a nephew who is a member in Sussex, NB; a brother-in-law who served in the Fredericton City Police, retired; a brother-in-law who serves in the Canadian Armed Forces, as well as many friends who serve in the city police, Fire Dept, Ambulance, and the Armed Forces. Those who don a uniform to protect the rest of us from violence and disaster, natural or manmade, deserve, and have earned, our respect. We owe them our deepest gratitude for being the first responders to events that would send many of the rest of us over the edge.
    Now, having said that, I have had to wrap my head around my emotions and opinions the events of October 17th in Rexton. The action taken that day against citizens trying to protest a social injustice should not have happened. It is fact that vehicles were burned. It is also a fact that excessive force was used against some citizens that were obviously unarmed. I have friends who were there. I cannot support SOME of the actions taken by either side in the events of that day. BUT – I cannot hold individual officers personally responsible for following orders or carrying out what their superiors commanded them to do in such a situation.
    I had been very upset with the Canadian Forces for a while for engaging in the war in Afghanistan as well. But I cannot disrespect the individuals who are members; I have family members and friends among them. I CAN be upset with the government, national and regional, which creates the policies, that contribute to situations, but not the individuals who follow orders; who are first responders, who maintain order, and endanger themselves EVERY TIME they don their uniform. They deserve our utmost respect. And deepest sympathy when a member falls.

  22. ted says:

    having had a father who faught for our freedom in the last war,i amsad to see so much use of those freedoms being abused in the name of freedom of expression or freedom to challange authority by using unlawful practices and the courts allowing this to happen in the name of those freedoms.what has happened to society in the past 40 years has generated disrespect for law and order,disrespect for senior citiasens,property and law enforcment officers,its time parents,educaters and others to man up and teach our children that peace officers are ther to prevent chaos in our socioty and are not the enemy but our friends and wife and i have at least 10 officers in the police forces as well as retired ones.they are as was said above are fathers,brothers sisters,husbands and wifes and god bless them all.our hear5ts are heavy during this tragic time and our thoughts and prayers go out to the fallen officers familys .my god protect our protectors so that mayhem will cease and law and order will continue in this country we call canada,thank you police officers.

  23. Al D. says:

    By the amount of attendance at the Vigil, and the flowers on the steps of the RCMP detachment, I don’t get the impression of a mass breeding of “desensitized people”.
    Looking at some facts by Statistics Canada-between 1961 to 2009, 136 officers were murdered and contrary to public perception, such incidences have been declining, not increasing. The rate per amount of officers in a region who have been killed is highest in the northern territories (where a single officer often patrols alone, in remote areas, making this late urban incident more shocking ) . Less than 10 percent were in result of investigating a firearms complaint, revenge attacks account for about 5 percent. There were about 25 percent killed investigating robberies, 14 percent responding to domestic disputes…
    Expanding my comment in response to the one above as well as many others I have read, and derived from another report I read, millions of peaceful, law abiding citizens watch action/horror movies, play violent video games, listen to heavy metal, etc. and in doing so did not turn into deranged lunatics who went out killing people. It’s so easy to point fingers in blame. There were no violent video games in the 60’s yet murder of officers has been declining. What does create crime? Many things maybe such as poverty, mental illness (keep in mind 1 in 5 people suffer from some form of mental illness and are more likely to be a victim of crime rather than commit one), drug/alcohol induced, trauma, victims of abuse/crime, the severely emotionally distressed, the list goes on.
    There are people who need help but can’t get it though they tried-mental issues, parenting issues, under-educated, etc…they don’t have the money, the system is under-funded and overcrowded, and/or they are not a high enough priority. People brush off problems they see in themselves or others-“they’ll come around”, “suck it up loser”, “life is what you make of it”, “just change the way you think”…it’s not that easy for some, they need help. Some don’t realize they need help.
    People say the shooter in this case was distraught, the cops shot his friend, maybe on drugs, he displayed disdain towards police and people ignored the warning signs.
    So who has the opinion that police are power hungry, power trippers, etc.? Those who committed crimes and resisted in arrest resulting in an officer using force to do his/her job? Those who believed distorted stories of those who had to be arrested with the use of force? Those who read in the newspaper or watched the news about a rare incident where an officer acted with unreasonable force or committed a crime themselves? Police are only human and get deeply affected by the nonsense they deal with every single day and on occasion one will “go over the edge” themselves. Those few isolated incidences seem to negate the thousands and thousands of arrests made where officers followed proper protocol. It seems to negate the good officers do in a community that is beyond the call of duty. Unfortunately, there is corruption in law enforcement, as there is in religion, politics, business….
    People tend to see the minority and assume it’s the majority. The same biased opinions that assume gun owners are crazed individuals, that video games create violent people, other races are all criminals…
    I played cops and robbers as a kid. I pretended to be the cop pointing a toy gun at someone who was pretending to be the bad guy pointing their toy gun back at me. In our play, the law won. Why, because as a child I admired the police who were there to keep us safe and take the bad guys off the street. Harmless play, we did not grow up to be criminals. I wanted to be a police officer but as I got older I realized that they are the first to respond on scene of a fatal accident, brutal assault, suicide, homicide, robbery where they place themselves in danger, pursue killers and so much more that I don’t believe I could handle and endure…among the highest of demanding jobs.
    I do agree, a lot of people have their noses glued to their devices too much and fail to directly socialize with those around them. Kids don’t play outside as much like we did. Both parents have to work fulltime to survive and provide, then be a home-maker too and in doing so are so busy and have little time to focus on children, to teach, to guide, to be involved in activities together. Unfortunately there are too many single parents. Unfortunately, some do neglect their duties as a parent, pre-occupied with themselves or just lack good parenting skills. Unfortunately, people let their kids stay inside to play video games and use social media, out of the harmful UV rays of the sun, in fear of predators that prey on children, in fear of them hanging with the wrong crowd and being exposed to/peer pressure to try drugs. There are good intentions but maybe the wrong methods. There’s also over-protective, over-strict, overbearing parenting going on. Not everyone has the means/money to place their kids into activities/programs that would benefit them, teach them, guide them, give them something positive to focus on. There’s probably a degree of factor in criminal behavior in the way criminals were raised as a child.
    Not trying to be insensitive, but your letter displays some of the same biased attitude that you complain about, just in different context. I also understand that your letter was written during a time of high stress and shock. Nobody is perfect. Society learns and grows from both the bad and good. Unfortunately, the bad learn from the bad, information and means to aid crime is more available today and police have to do the best they can to do their jobs and keep up, sometimes the results are devastating. Very sad.
    Please understand what I have tried to say, I am not a writer, not a counselor, not a crime analyst, just someone trying to gain some understanding in this horror when there seems to be none and share it. I’m not perfect and maybe I’m wrong in whole or in part but hope what I said makes some sense.

    Condolences to the family and friends of the officers who lost their lives and hopes of complete recoveries for the wounded officers. Time heals yet scars are forever, we will never forget those officers. May the love and compassion displayed around you help give you all strength to endure these difficult times.

    • Barbara says:

      I believe that the original letter and this reply should be posted side by side. Both of them convey heart-felt resonses to a devastating tragedy, from different perspectives, which makes both of them right. I also played “cops and robbers,” with stick guns, cap guns, etc, with the “cops” always winning the war for truth, justice and the American way. There is no solution to the senseless violence perpetrated by one human being against another. From the first recorded fratricide, to the ongoing violence of the few who wage war against their neighbors, their families, against society as a whole….the rule of law is our only hope.

    • Den. phi says:

      Very well said and the most sensible understanding in this past week horrible tragedy.

    • Debbie Ash says:

      It is heart breaking that either letter had to be written !! and sadder that both are true in our society 😦 My condolences to everyone feeling the pain of this tragedy !!

    • E.c. says:

      Thank you for saying this so eloquently

  24. Patsy says:

    Thank you for posting how you feel and many others feel. It is time for change. It has to start with parents changing how and what they teach their children. Respect for others!!!! Treat people how you want to be treated!!! Thank you once again. My condolences to the families of the fallen officers. Thank God they have this person under arrest and the community can slowly try to get back to normal but this will never be the same quiet little community it was before this happened.

  25. estelle says:

    I have nothing to add or less to say!!!… u took every single word out of my mouth ….well said… it couldnt be said any better!!!
    Thank You!!!!!!!!!
    RIP xox

  26. One "everyday" citizen says:

    I’m from BC. Our hearts and prayers go out to the friends, family, & co-workers of the fallen! And our SUPPORT goes out to the officers and their families still on the job. We have respect and admiration for the men & women who wear the badge and face the everyday “music” of their communities. THANK YOU for your service! We stand with you! To those who agree … THANK an officer the next time you see one … his/her job is NOT easy or fun!

  27. rawhidesmom says:

    Thank you for sharing what needs to be said. God bless

  28. Csaba says:

    If I catch any law enforcement officers in line at Tim Horton’s, I’m buying.

    • Bearmama says:

      Csaba! You are great! You know, my husband (who has been so encouraged by everyone’s comments, and is sharing them with his colleagues) told me a story just last night that one day, he was in a coffee shop, and a man in a scruffy coat approached him, so was getting ready for a face off, and instead the man said to him: “Thanks for doing what you do, I know your salary is crap, so let me pay for that coffee”.
      I never wanted to broad-brush and say that our first responders don’t have support – I know they do. EVERYONE needs to get a pat on the back, and be told they are appreciated occasionally. So thanks, and enjoy buying someone a coffee – it’s SO much fun!

  29. Catherine says:

    I was involved in a situation where I needed the local police to come to my rescue. I would have to say that my view of the police is very positive. I was very saddened to hear about the circumstances in Moncton. I appreciate what the individual officers did for me and what the police as a whole have to do in order to keep order in our society. I wish people realized that.

  30. Travis says:

    I get what the writer is trying to say. Unfortunately life isn’t cut and dried. You can’t point to one cause and say that was the reason. People play violent video games. People use the internet in ever increasing forms. Society shifts and changes constantly. The generation that rises up faces markedly different environment and influences from the one that preceded it.

    It is unfortunate that when tragedy likes this strikes – politicians and lobbyists tend to take advantage of an emotional community to advance their personal agendas. Its best, during these times, to comfort those who are hurting and embrace those loved ones who are near. Trust that God, who is in control of all things at all times – continues to unfold his plans even in the midst of this.

    Remember the old Psalm “Be at rest and know that I am God”

    • Bearmama says:

      Hi Travis, Thanks for the feedback. I certainly am not pointing at one cause for this tragedy. I am not a psychologist, or a behaviorist…just a Mom. I have NO IDEA why this man did what he did. Like I have said a few times already, all I know is what I observe in my own life, with my own little boys, and I believe a walk in a forest or a game of kick the can over sitting in front of the TV is always a better choice – that is my personal opinion and experience. There have always been wackos shooting people – way before video games were ever invented…I know that.

  31. Deb Tycholiz says:

    My heartaches for everyone inVolved in this terrible crime.
    Thank you so much for writing this. You wrote what I couldn’t get out in words. You see my husband is a police officer and was working that night as well.
    Thanks for saying what so many of us wanted to but didn’t.
    Thank you

  32. Thoughts are with all those who serve and their families. We appreciate the protection the provide and the danger they encounter daily. My brother-in-law is an officer in Alberta and we worry about him as well. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and with all families who are part of our security services.

  33. Amanda says:

    Dear BearMama,

    Such beautiful words you share with us, I am a paramedic that serves in a community about double the size of Moncton, tending to an injured police officer is me greatest fear, not only because I RESPECT them all, but because some of them are friends, some very dear to me. I also support them in another way, crisis intervention… the fears they experience, that we all in uniform experience, are real, but we put them aside to serve our communities. Hugs to you and your family. I am so glad you are expressing yourself, in such a healthy manner!

    Be well,

  34. Tonia Carter Means says:

    It’s Ok not to be Ok! But never keep that “not OK” to yourself, I did it for years and it ripped me to shreds emotionally, years of being the strong one came crashing down on me like thunder! It took an incident of my LE husband dying in my arms, 27 years of my LE life came crashing down around me! Today I am not ashamed to say PTSD is real, I was in hell for years, I visit it still….Always remember “It’s OK NOT TO BE OK!! Be safe!! Tonia Carter Means Police Chief (Ret) LVPTPD

  35. Florence Stanchi Vidiksis says:

    Being the widow of a fallen New York City Police Officer it breaks my heart to hear about these young men …… heart goes out to all their families…..I too had small children that never knew the wonderful person their Dad was and how much he loved being a Police Officer… will be 41 years on June 17/2014….time does heal but the hurt is and always will be in our hearts……I have many friends that were Policemen and some of their children are now….I also have a nephew that is an OPP Officer…….I worry about him everyday….he is so much like my late husband in that he too loves his job and all that he does…….be safe out there…..HUGS LOVE PRAYERS GO OUT TO ALL THE FAMILIES….MAY THEY EACH REST IN PEACE AMEN

  36. Donna Taylor says:

    Hi. I would like to send my deepest thoughts to all of Moncton NB and colleges of the 3 fallen officers as well as their family and friends. Your right they were a son, brother, grandson, uncle, husband, and father. They protected the people that had respect as well as those that had no respect. I will burn 3 candles as well as leave my outside light on right through to Wednesday morning. I may not be from there but I have respect for them.

  37. Cathy says:

    Thanks for the heartfelt response to a terrible act. My feelings were summed up many times in other comments.

  38. joy says:

    Well said. As the mother of a RCMP Officer I support ALL your views. These men and women who have CHOOSEN to follow this career should be respected and supported by all. And note my choice of wording CHOOSEN. My son holds an Undergraduate Degree and a Masters Degree. Had a great job, but gave it all up to follow his passion, to become an RCMP Officer. When I asked him why, his response was, I want to do whatever I can to improve my community, I want to give back to my community. These three fallen heros, from all accounts, had this same passion. A passion that cost them their lives. It’s time that parents, parent! Teacher your children to respect and obey law enforcement officers, not to fear and hate them. Pay attention to your children’s activity on the internet. Know the crowd your children hang with. Instill good morals and values in your children. If there were more of this type of parenting there would be less of these senseless acts of violence, in my opinion. Teach your children well people.

  39. irma pugh says:

    I totally agree!,I was brought up to.respect the law. These brave men and women put their lives on the line for us daily! It comes down to respect for our fellow man. Hard to accept anyone could be so cruel.No.we are not ok!

  40. Mrs. H says:

    I’m a wife of an amazing loving God fearing Mountie as well. He’s the love of my life, the Dad my kids adore, and he works hard and is fair. We all felt the loss this past week. We all know just how much “junk” our spouses have to take. Just the fact those members brought that guy in unscathed tells you what kind of good men/women they are! I personally would not have been able to restrain myself I’m sure! I was sitting at home the day after this occurred when one of our neighbors came to our door with flowers – they just handed them to me with a card – turned and walked away. The card read – “we are thinking of you and your family today…..thank you for being courageous enough to serve as an rcmp member”. I burst into tears when I read it – all that pent up stress from knowing we had lost three of our finest just let go. I was touched and encouraged to know that someone from the “outside” could understand – that even though we are many provinces away – we were grieving along side the families and members. We are family – we hurt when other officers and families hurt. I pray that our society understands more and more how blessed they are to have a police force that strives to be honorable. Many countries don’t have even a hope of that.

  41. Dexter says:

    My generation I seriously messed up… I dont make excuses for this guy but I am 25 years old and a gun owner. I played plenty of video games… the problem with my generation is this: we are the center of our own universe. We are the only thing that matter. We want respect without giving it. Being polite is passė. … but please do not group gun owners, video gamers, or every young adult into the same category. I have never had the urge to kill a man… we aren’t all crazy…

    • Bearmama says:

      Thanks Dexter! I don’t lump any group of people with another. I actually think that is part of the problem. I also did not want to come across as anti-anything (except killing of course). I just think we need to look at where our children are spending their time. Moderation and balance are so important in all things.

  42. kim says:

    I,m not very good with words but I am very greatful for our police officers and RCMP and our firemen the life they have is not an easy job protecting us from danger god love you all you are all angels sent from god amen.

  43. Smithydownunder says:

    I am a police officer in Australia. My heart aches for all of the families – both blood and police families – that have been impacted by this terrible, terrible incident and the one in the US too. There but for the grace of God go all of us.
    And your words have summed up society everywhere, the lack of respect is here too – even in a small State like where I work. It makes me so sad, when I was growing up we were taught to respect police and other authority figures, such as teachers. Nowadays kids are taught to have no respect at all.
    I just felt compelled to comment on this. And to say THANK YOU – because as a front line, first responder, the respect you have shown and your thoughtful words mean a lot. It’s something cops don’t hear very often and I for one feel a bit better knowing there are some decent people out there in the world.
    Stay strong Canada and RCMP – let this unite the decent ones to overcome the evil

  44. royalegoal says:

    you said so many things my heart has already thought. Everyone needs to have more respect for LEO, the thin blue line they walk everyday is a a huge responsibility that few can handle… Thank you…!!!

  45. Neal says:

    Out of respect for these people and the horror that occurred. I will refrain from breaking this down. But those suppositions are terribly flawed and need to be re-examined once the emotions have quieted.

    • Bearmama says:

      Thanks very much for respecting the general message, which was from my heart, not from weeks of background research. Again, this blog normally gets a viewership of five of my closest friends. I admit there are generalizations in here, but I am not a researcher, nor is this a piece of journalism. It is an opinion piece. Of one Mom, wife of a cop, deeply passionate about raising my own three sons to be responsible, balanced and healthy members of our society.

  46. Sven Wiggermann says:

    I am a Toronto Police Officer and I was involved in an incident in 2007 that almost cost me my life.
    When my family hears about a police death in this country my wife tears up and I have to hold her5 in my arms. I want to thank you for your comment. The families of first responders go through so much every day, and make so many sacrifices. To my family and all the other families thank you for supporting us we could not do it without you guys.
    I was born and raised in Germany and I was always taught to have respect for authority. The problem that has developed in the last few years specially in Ontario, is that the government and the police department are so afraid to deal with the real issues. They will take any kind of complained, false or not and investigate officers for their actions. The problem with that is that they will never charge the public for filling a false complain.
    Also todays kids have no respect for authority! They behave like they are entitled to anything and everything. I am a firm believer that we have to blame ourselves for that because parents spoil their kids and it seems there is no consequences for their actions. You have a 16 year old commit an assault and some lawyer will stand up in court and cry about the child’s upbringing and the next thing you know he walks out with no consequences.
    Again I would like my and the other families for all the sacrifices you guys make everyday so we as first responders can do our job.

    To people of Moncton my sympathy is with you guys and it put a tear in my eye to see you guys hug those RCMP officers. A hug like that goes a long way.
    Condolences to the fallen officers families and colleagues and a speedy recovery for the two injured officers. Remember the thin blue line is here for you.

  47. emmcd says:

    There really aren’t words at a time like this. It’s so very surreal, here from Nova Scotia, it’s almost hard to believe this really happened. That one person could do so very much damage to the very fabric of a wonderful city, province, establishment.

    Thank YOU, and your kids and of course to your husband and his comrades. The sacrifice you all make in the name of keeping the community safe is an incredible one – and that thank you is from the bottom of my heart.

  48. JoAnne Schottler says:

    My Daughter is a Police Officer, and we are so sadden by what has happened. Unfortunately her department as gone thru this. We send our Strength and Love…..You took the words out of everyone’s mouth, Amazing post, Thanks to All our First responders…and their FAMILIES.

  49. I have never served in either law enforcement or the military, but have utmost respect and appreciation for those who do. These people put their lives on the line to protect us every time they put on the uniform. Whenever I see a leo (law enforcement officer), I take the opportunity to thank him/her. The other day, as I arrived at Schlotsky’s in Springdale, Arkansas, a police officer was getting into his car. I thanked him for his service, and he was really appreciative. These people need to be encouraged, not vilified by those they protect.

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